Bull shit in the coffee shop

The bullshit flew in the coffee shop

as Scotty told us again,

about the time some pilots messed up

and it happened way back when.

Back in the spring of seventy-eight

Finger, Linger, and Ben,

three young lads, all working late

at Gateway Aviation.

Yes Finger and Linger, buddies with Ben

knew each other since Grade two,

had young man’s jobs, on a float-base dock

‘cause that was the thing to do.

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On the bay, by the Gateway dock

two arguing pilots stood,

beneath the shadow of Pilot’s Rock

they debated if they should…

Old Captain Malkem, he ran the base,

he wanted to get his way.

He yelled, and he screamed, and he got in the face

of Cap Montyson, that day.

Yes Captain Steve Montyson, he was;

he flew the big Twin Otter.

He seemed a little worried because

of candle-ice and water.

“Just fire her up, and call the tower,

we’ve got to put it on wheels.

You’ll be back in under an hour,

fly the plane, I’ll make the deals.”

“I’m not really sure about that ice

we’re pushing it pretty fine…”

“You fly planes! I told you twice,

and I watch the bottom line!”

So Monty calls out to Ben “Let’s ride”

and Ben threw down his broom;

he jumped up and in, and he beamed with pride

he’d be flying pretty soon.

Monty roars out, on icy candles

with prop blades spinning away,

while wondering if the ice could handle,

asked the tower if he may….

Get clearance to lift off the Big Lake,

“Roger. You can proceed,” but

Monty, it seemed had made a mistake.

Yes a big mistake indeed.

Suddenly, in the cock-pit they knew

and their hearts began to pound,

the Twin Otter’s front ski, it broke through;

Montyson shut her down.

Monty and Ben, still shaking when

the plane’s nose settled down low,

Monty turned, and he said to Ben

“O.K. Kid, it’s time to go.”

Meanwhile, running out on to the ice

comes Finger, and Linger too,

Linger was walking to be precise,

he carried a plank or two.

Now Linger put out a big plank

and Finger, he did the same,

they helped Captain Monty, and young Ben

step away from the plane.

Then they called for a helicopter

a Sikorsky sixty-one

but that one was busy, as it were

so they looked for a different one.

They phoned up the Military

and asked them for a Chinook

“We have a Twin Otter to ferry,

send one with a big hook.”

I’m sure that you’ve, seen a Chinook

with so many blades spinning ‘round,

high R.P.M.’s, whatever it took,

to lift up eight thousand pounds.

A big old hook, beneath the long line

connected to lifting eyes.

“Throw on the power, we’re doing fine”

and the plane began to rise.

But the water in the nose it sloshed

the tail of the plane went down,

the Chinook pilot he swore “By Gosh!”

now his smile turned to a frown.

Well that chopper pilot, he got spooked

when the Twin it spun around,

he pressed the button and unhooked,

the Twin Otter crashed back down!

Back to the arms of the icy lake

the Twin Otter settled low

The chopper pilot made a mistake

he figured he should go.

For the airport he high-tailed it to

while the crowd, in the Old Town

speculated, as if they all knew

how THEY’d get it off the ground.

Then the next day, we woke to the sound

of the Chinook’s big old roar.

Everyone ran, down to the Old Town

so they could watch some more…

With those whirling blades and lots of noise,

the Chinook tried it again;

“Let’s give her another go there, boys,”

it lifted the plane, but then..

the cable above the rising plane,

it suddenly snapped in two!

The big Twin’s flight had ended again,

and same for the big rescue.

With a carnival-like atmosphere

a crowd started to form ‘round

and with everybody standing there

the Twin Otter crashed back down!

Well the cable on its ricochet

punched the belly of the Chinook.

As hydraulic oil, started to spray,

the big old bird she shook

Yes, the big Chinook, she sure looked rough

splattered in blood red goo….

the chopper pilot had had enough,

so back to the base he flew.

Well everyone on that Old Town shore

and those who stood on the hill,

wondered if they’d try it once more

while they had the time to kill.

Well next day, Finger, Linger and Ben

with some others keen to try…

hooked Chinook to the Twin Otter and

finally she got to fly!

Yes up, up, up, from the ice she rose

dripping out lots of water

never to fly again, I suppose

the end of that Twin Otter.

Here’s everyone at that coffee shop

to this story listening,

with a never-ending coffee cup,

eating eggs, and everything;

“Come on Scotty, that can’t all be true”

one of the boys had piped in;

“It’s not bullshit, man, I’m telling you…”

then he yelled above the din.

“I just can’t believe you would doubt me…”

he slammed down his coffee cup,

“and challenge my veracity!

I couldn’t make this stuff up!”


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